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I want to get married
Dear Burt,
My boyfriend and I met while we were in college and we have been dating for seven years. I wanted to get married two years after we started dating. But, my boyfriend said we should wait until after we graduated. We graduated three years ago and he says he is still not ready. At first, he was saying he needed to find a steady job before we could get married. After he found a steady job he said he needed to start saving money. Now, he is saying he needs to pay off his debt.
I have been willing to wait to get married until my boyfriend got on his feet. However, I am getting tired of waiting. It seems he is always finding one excuse after another as to why we can’t get married. Burt, I love him. How can I get my boyfriend to marry me?
From,
Married Minded in
There are a couple of good things I hear from your letter. Your relationship has lasted longer than many marriages, you want to continue it and you still love your man. The bad thing is that you have a need to get married and your boyfriend does not. This is not a small issue that you should let slide and hope that time will change things by happenstance. It won't.
You have to ask yourself how important this issue is to you. If this is of dire importance, you owe it to your boyfriend to let him know. You have to tell him that even though you love him, you cannot continue the relationship without marriage. Period.
But don't say it if you don't mean it. If he loves you, he'll recognize that losing you over this matter is worse than his procrastination and/ or fear of committing. If he doesn’t, be prepared to walk. Truth be told, you shouldn't try to "get" anyone to marry you. They should want to all by themselves. Like all relationship issues, you have to pick your fights. This one sounds like a “fight” worth picking. Have the conversation and have it soon.
What a man wants
Dear Burt,
I am a female in my late thirties with no prospect for a mate. I will admit that I spent my twenties and early thirties in causal relationships. Now, I am looking for something more. However, all of the men I meet seem to only be looking for fun. I used to be that fun girl. But, now I realize that has gotten me nowhere. I want to settle down but I seem to only attract men who don't want that.
Burt what does a marriage minded man look for in a woman? I want to know. I figure if I know, I can work on being that kind of woman so I can attract that kind of man.
Sincerely,
It's nice to see someone as self-aware as you. You realize your old ways were superficial and now you want to be a woman who can attract a marriage minded man and settle down. I recommend you take a minute to remember the men you had causal relationships with. What traits did they possess? Think about why those traits were not fulfilling to you. As you move forward in your dating relationships, look for a man who embodies characteristics that are countered to the ones possessed by the men in your past.
Next, think about the traits you embodied that made you attractive to the men in your past. Now, start focusing on character traits that are the exact opposite. These are the traits you want to enhance in your own life.
Einstein had this great saying: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". If you want things to change for you, then you must change things about yourself. I wouldn't recommend trying to prove Einstein wrong.
Burt Believes
Ever wonder why men act they way they do? Ever wonder what men think? Ever wonder how to interpret the meaning behind a man's words or actions? If so, then you've come to the right place.
This is where you can get advice and opinions from a successful man who will give you a male's perspective on issues of love and life.
Burt is the columnist of 'Burt Believes' and will give you honest and straight-forward talk. All you have to do is ask. Send your question to "Burt Believes" at: burt@theworldsbestbook.com
Watch for Burt's answers to be posted here.
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